You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
