I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I puked a lego.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
