I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's blow job season.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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