im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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