I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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