oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
