Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
