he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
