What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
