WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have surprise drugs for everyone
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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