Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize