I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
did i walk over a car last night?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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