I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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