found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
