A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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