oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize