I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
