She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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