I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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