please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
