She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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