Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize