I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
