Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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