I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
