Plan B is the new Plan A
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
