I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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