New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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