TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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