drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
