i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
should my penis look like a turkey
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize