If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
