I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
