OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
