Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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