Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
