Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Less talking, more tequila
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
