tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
