I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
