I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
