and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
