just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
