we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
