If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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