so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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