So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
