we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
