I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
