I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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