either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
