We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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