i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
