I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
