one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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