I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
