I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize