im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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