I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize