like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
