i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
