yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
