My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
