OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
