did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You work out of a Hotel?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
