Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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