I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
