I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
