It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
