My nipple is on Facebook.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
