I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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